I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
