Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
