I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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