I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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