Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you will always have a special place in my vag
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize