I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.