Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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