i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
