Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
