I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
