can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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