I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
