I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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