I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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