How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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