You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
