Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
