I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
