Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
