He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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