i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
