I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
