Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
