I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
too bad you live with your parents still
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
