Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
