I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
