I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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