I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize