Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
