I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
