Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
