My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
