Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
