I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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