how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
