he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
