Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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