he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Drake has all the answers
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
