Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Oh god it's open bar.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
