The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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