i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
