i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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