Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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