Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
