my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
