if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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