Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
