she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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