i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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