The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
