Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
