just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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