just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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