im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
