So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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