so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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