Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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