hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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