4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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