im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
