One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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