If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
