My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
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alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
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I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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