She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
