I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
