dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
