never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
His nipple licking is glorious
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