perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
